Moving the goalposts

Been going to chiropractic care three times a week lately, at Forum orchard.
Yesterday, after my session, I went to Mac for lunch. Overheard a group of women talking. The conversation leader was complaining about how her boyfriend didn’t tell her that he was working late. Later she revealed that he told her the night before, BUT THAT DIDN’T COUNT! He could have just told her again. This continued for the 15mins I was having my meal. After all the whining and bitching, the consensus is that Miss “He never told me” was right even though her boyfriend did tell her. He should have told her again.

This is an evil and cheap way of arguing and lying to yourself. It’s called “moving the goalposts”. Instead of admitting that she forgot, Miss worried-about-boyfriend just moved the goalposts of the argument. Did I say how cheap this is? Cheap cheap cheap.

You don’t know what you are missing!

It has been a while. But this site still serves a purpose.. Today I will talk about the phrase “you don’t know what you are missing”.

People always tell me that, when they find out I don’t add chilli to Chicken Rice, or Nasi Lemak. “You don’t know what you are missing!” they tell me. But oh, I do know what I’m missing! I’ve tried them, so how can I not know? It just happens that what I tried wasn’t to my liking. I can’t help it. If somethings tastes like shit to you, (example: milo with dark soy sauce), you won’t like it. That’s just how it is. People also get really passionate about their love of raw bloody beef when I tell I don’t like steak, and will only eat it well-done. D:

Some of you might think, “oh, he is just taking things too literally”. Anyway, if you are still using free/stock earphones to listen to music, you don’t know what you are missing!

Pizza

I don’t like to cook, but you have to cook to eat. LOL.

Water, salt, sugar, yeast.

Add flour

Knead dough

After 2 hours

Only use half of total dough.


Half ham half beef.

First semester

The first semester of school is over.. which is great. But exams are not so great!

Not sure how will I fare.. but it seems that I’m just an average student in my course. It isn’t like poly or secondary school where there are people that don’t put in effort.. Everyone puts in effort in university. As a result, things are sure competitive. However, I never liked tests and exams… or mugging.. studying should be interesting and enjoyable.

There are lots of people that are as “smart” as me.. or better. And they are more hardworking than me too.

Lets see what kind of results I’ll get in a few months.

One A4 page essay for the LKY STEP scholarship application.

Good day, Sir/Mdm. This is my essay:

Way back in Primary school, I’ve always had very unbalanced grades. I would nearly fail a few subjects, and score As on subjects I liked. I guess you could call it “selective studying”.
This habit of mine followed through during my Secondary school years. What made matters worse, was that I was starting to lose interest in subjects I liked. Everything became less interesting, more about memorization than actual learning. In other words, school became boring.

Looking back to those days, I realized that my teachers probably noticed this quality in me. I didn’t get asked to attend remedial lessons for Additional Math, when I’ve flunked it bad enough to warrant it. Time passed quickly, and soon the ever important GCE ‘O’ Levels was near. I realized that I needed to work hard and get those grades no matter what, in order to get a place in University in the future.

My efforts paid off, and I could qualify for a neighborhood JC. However, I decided to go to Temasek Polytechnic instead, and chose Diploma in Info-Communications, because the world of technology seemed interesting. Despite choosing the Polytechnic route, I still wanted to get into University. At this point of life, I realized that if I wanted something, I’ve got to work for it.

My three years spent in polytechnic was with only one goal in mind: To get results good enough to enter a local University. Today, I’m happy to say that I’ve achieved that goal.

Facebook kills blogs

I guess a lot of people don’t really blog anymore. Because it is much easier to get everyone to read what you type on facebook.

This blog will stay though.. for the times when I feel like typing 1000 word essays.

Not written by me

I often feel I am missing something, that I have a perspective or viewpoint that isn’t widely shared and that I am decades ahead of my time, maybe more. It’s like being caught in a time warp.

I tend to be someone who looks at all the what-ifs, thinking way ahead with a vision of things and anticipating. I’m always interested in extending myself into areas I don’t do well in. I’m a good problem solver from that perspective. I like to go through anything I can think of before I act—the implications, what others have tried before and their effect, my options and their consequences, who to mobilize and in what time frame. I like coming up with new ideas about how to approach a situation until I find a solution that feels right. And I like to think that solution will be something that works for everyone. I experience problems as challenges, not as things that can’t be dealt with or accomplished. Challenges can always be dealt with

I am naturally organized, structured, and analytical. If a project enters my mind it immediately assumes the form of its pieces, its basic structure, and what order—first, next, last—it will take to get it done. This isn’t something I do, it happens instantaneously without effort. Issues are multifaceted and I try to think from different perspectives, not only my perspectives but others’ too. And I’ve found it’s good to gather as many facts as I can. Sometimes there is a piece that needs to be thrown out, or maybe it’s the seed of another project.

I won’t do something if I feel I can’t do it well. I prefer trying something, then critique after the fact. I will integrate the experience and never make the same mistakes again. I am satisfied when things work well, and I like to improve people’s lives by reorganizing and introducing things in an understandable way that is explicit and clear and makes sense. Then someone else can come in and take over. I set very high standards for myself, and I believe it is possible to be competent at anything and everything I set my mind to.

I keep myself very private; that’s a part of who I am. I keep people at arm’s length. They have to gain my trust and interest. People are curious about me, I think, but only the brave try to figure me out. I feel very serious, but some I meet I just like a lot, and I can be spontaneously playful. I have a sensitivity to people and can feel warm with them, although many perceive me as intimidating, aloof or annoyed, or incredibly calm and competent about everything. People say I ask them good questions, not to make the decision for them, but to help them think through things. I look for systems that will make things better, and I am very much a person who seeks fairness and equality. People are very important, and I want to help them develop the skills they need to get on in life, whatever that means for each one of them.

There’s always something to occupy my mind or attention. I must be using my mind in a purposefully creative way, pushing the envelope with the most creatively challenging thing I can do, being the originator of a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist yet. It’s a complex world, and I believe we each should develop as complex an inner life as possible with the facility to react or initiate in a wide variety of ways. The more successful one is at actively developing all of that and having access to that, the better things can be. If something really interests me I have an incredible ability to stick with it—even though I have a larger perspective, I can be very focused and zero in on a point. I have always seen the world at many levels.

Autonomy is important, to be respected for my own thoughts and feelings, ideas and creativity. I am turned off when people try to discredit my ideas or don’t listen before they even understand, or when people don’t try to do the best they can or fight against progress. And if the emotional piece is not well managed in my life, or not compartmentalized, work is very difficult. Chitchat is tedious. I don’t know what to say, and I figure the other person isn’t actually interested in me anyway.

Over time I have built a world-view, like constructing a map of the cosmos, and from this, essentially everything is understandable and anything is possible. All the things I’ve done, have been self-taught by picking up on or asking myself good, clear, penetrating questions to expose and articulate the hidden structures that underlie the experience of living.

Open minded

You are close minded. I am making a sweeping statement.

Most people claim to be open minded. But they are not really. I guess it is just politically correct to say so.

“Hi, my name is Veridis and I’m close minded.”

I think being understanding is one of the results of the truly open minded.
This week, most our dinners at the cookhouse were delayed. We had to wait for them to prepare the food. They were not expecting us, even on Thursday. Lol, seriously? While we were having dinner on Friday, a civilian, probably the cookhouse supervisor or something, came and apologized for the screw ups this week. One of my bunk mates then started mocking her. I told him that his view was very one sided. That the lady is already saying sorry. He started giving a few examples to validate his view, like, “If you screw up during a parade, you think saying sorry to the Sergeant Major will help?” I tried to tell him that his example was extreme, and the others at the table then started to say things like “fight fight” and “relax”.

I often forget that when people do table talk, they expect everyone to agree with them (I don’t say I’m not guilty of this). Having someone disagree must be a surprise. I’m not angry at this bunk mate of mine, he is not someone I hate or dislike. I just feel jaded every time I try to get people to see the other side, and fail.

Rewind back a day or two, in the car park where we were learning operator level mechanic skills for land rover, Iveco 3Ton and MAN 5Ton, an Indian mechanic gave us a rubbish bag to put rubbish in, because they were having an audit soon and the place needed to be clean. The area I was in had virtually no rubbish. I was chilling out with my buddy, and I kept trying to dump the empty rubbish bag on him. I saw an opening (literally) when he put one had on his hip, and so proceeded to stuff the bag in. He then turned around and dunked it into the rubbish bin behind him. The mechanic saw this from a distance, then started storming over. He started to scold us, and I tried to explain that we were just joking. He said something along the lines of

“I don’t care, no joking is allowed. You people only know how to sleep and litter the place.”

“Sir, when you were not here we picked up some rubbish already.” (Only 1 broken Clorets container, there wasn’t any other rubbish to be seen.)

He started to walk away and shouted “I don’t give a fuck what you have to say, (bla bla bla).”

“Sir, you can’t be like this, sir.”

Later, he returned with some of my friends, dumping their dust pans. I went to confront him again, and asked if he needed me to clean other areas. He said it was ok. That the smoking point was messy and we didn’t know how to clean it. (Wtf, I don’t smoke and I don’t know which smoking point he was talking about, I knew of none nearby.) As he walked away, he told me “No hard feelings”. I don’t know if he meant it, but at least he said that. I can understand his predicament, but there was no reason to refuse to reason, when confronted.

In his mind, I am probably a “useless” poly student who only knows how to laze around. But I’m not a lazy poly student. I participate when my mechanic instructor teaches us (hands on). I ask questions. I answer questions. (most of the time I answer correctly, and ask questions the instructor is waiting for). I hate it when people are close minded like that.

I’m proud of myself for standing up to a much older and senior personnel. People always laugh when I tell them that I’m the most introverted of all personalities, because I can talk a lot in topics which interests me, and because I don’t take bullshit from others. It was very awkward to talk back to someone of higher status, especially in the Army. I suggest you try it sometime.

On another note, my follow trainees keep saying I look like a secondary school kid. With jokes like, “Do you have a brother?” (no) “Oh I thought you were serving NS for your brother.” I can just curse the container that holds my mind. I’m sure if I was more physically intimidating, some people would buckle under the combination of my personality as well.

Throwing pebbles into the pond

I have a feeling that most people are disturbed at my calmness. People do or say stupid things to me for no apparent reason. I think this so, because only people that know me at least as a friend or acquaintance throw pebbles. Only people that have seen the pond throw pebbles.

I feel emotions very strongly (can’t say others don’t, I have no proof of it. However, if others don’t mask their emotions as much as I, and react in more friendly manner, it is safe to assume that I can extrapolate). However, these strong feelings are rarely transmitted.

For example, throwing water while I’m in a cubicle. I’ve had this happen once, only that I was gonna shower. Making a person who is about to shower wet is obviously pebble throwing. My first reaction was to beat up the fucker that did it.

A much more recent incident, my NS buddy asked to take a look at my mars bar. To look at ingredients. Very strange. I was like, “you can’t be serious”. But I was reassured that he just wanted to take a look. A few moments later, the mars bar was on my table, but it was bent in half. The emotion I felt when I first realized I was tricked, was of very strong hate and betrayal.

Most of the time, after an relentless assault/analysis of the pebble thrower’s thoughts and actions, they tell me to relax. Not to be serious. Not that this is an unreasonable request by the way, but it’s the same as me asking the pebble thrower to man up, and take my assault head-on. I am quite good at getting into people’s minds, and I easily can tell if people are just talking bullshit just to make me prove myself for no reason. (Example: 1. Guy likes to talk so rationally and thoroughly 2. I will talk bullshit to get him to explain himself even though I don’t actually need an explanation.) Another favorite people like to do is to pretend to talk logically to trick me, but I won’t be manipulated. I am not a robot. Once you take the logic route, you’re playing in my arena.

If I were to be like that, I won’t be a friendly person at all. But I only go all out at people in NS, or people that can take it.

This is not black and white, just as life is not black and white. I’m not implying that I don’t throw pebbles too.

Maybe people just use me for their pebble throwing kicks. Just like how couples use each other, but for other more admirable emotions.
Maybe most people just have a fetish for ripples.
Maybe a tsunami will come from a small pebble if thrown hard enough.

Life

is like a party, without the people.

I don’t know what’s up with people and one-liners. These days one liners are no longer jokes. I blame facebook. (I also think it caused the 2008 financial meltdown, but that is off-topic.) Frankly, if I’m feeling like shit (happens at least every fortnight) I’ll be more pleased with coming up with a thesis about why the world is fucked up, than just wondering why the world is so. Doesn’t cheer me up though, cause even if you solved the mystery of how/who killed your parents, you’re still an orphan. But still, I come here and type crap.

It is also customary in such posts to have vague, ambiguous references to events or people. The writer then controls the level of information the reader needs to already know before they can decipher the convoluted message. Access level protection for their post. I pity the people that don’t know WTF is going on. Example. Today I asked her a few questions that got rid of some questionmarks. People tell me closure is good, but in this case, it sucked as well. The last 2 sentences is the whole reason for this entry.

Sometimes I type bullshit, or mix it up with my real thoughts, wonder if people can guess which is which.

I sure hope my posts are brain-draining enough to spoil any attempt at 5 second skimming. XD

Lastly, damn wordpress for disabling javascript and not implementing a chatbox widget. I can’t tell when people like my posts. Especially the dead fetus paperweight one, I spent 10minutes typing/thinking about it. It surely is worth 1 or 2 disgusted visitors!